Letter to the Editor

The next best thing to a Scuba Tara drawing? Scuba Tara in MS Paint

In 2008 the Reedsville area was plagued with an outbreak of bear attacks. Actually, there was one bear and a group of citizens with shotguns and fourwheelers that set out to "tame the bear." These paintings were inspired by the hard work and dedication of Tara and her team. Had they not taken down the vicious bear, Reedsville would be...exactly the same.

Letter to College

Dear college,

Why don't YOU come to ME. I do not wish to leave. It seems that what I WANT to do with my life and what I HAVE to do are polar opposites. I dislike the idea of going to a foreign place to LEARN. You require me to leave my comfort zone in order to improve my life. I'm not convinced that I am right for it. You are begining to slip to the very bottom of my priority list.

College, you are expensive, stressful, and time consuming. I do not like you.

Letter to Everybody Else

If you were planning to celebrate your birthday this year, don't waste your time. There is only one person walking the earth that deserves celebration. The only person that should be showered in gifts and praise for all of her good doings.

Not everybody is as devoted as her when it comes to helping others. I have seen her rescue orpans from burning buildings. I've witnessed her climb up a tree like a squirell to save the life of an endangered cat. She once donated a kidney to a complete stranger.

Even if she hasn't really accomplished anything, her birthday is more important than yours.


Happy birthday Princess Scuba Tara

Letter to The New York Times

The New York Times gave a review for Stephen Colbert's book, "I am America (And So Can You!)". The review insinuated that his book was not comparable to the show and that it was not as witty as it could have been. The review points out humorous sections of Colbert's book, and then insults the book as a whole. Completely ridiculous.

Excerpt from their review:

If "I Am America (And So Can You)" had nothing but its title, its Colbert cover portrait title and 230 blank pages instead of printed ones, it would make a cherished keepsake just the same.

My Review (Far more accurate than The New York Times):

STEPHEN COLBERT BLESSED THE WORLD WITH THE ULTIMATE BOOK EVER.

Letter to Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien recently released a statement saying that he will not follow an 11:35 pm Jay Leno show with a 12:05 "Tonight Show" out of respect for the "Tonight Show" brand and for Jimmy Fallon.

"For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight show into the next day to accomodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn't the Tonight Show.

Also, if I accept this move, I will be knocking the Late Night Show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot."

You're not as funny as you think, and you're still making too much money for horrible comedy.

Cry about it a little more, Conan.

Letter to PennDOT

Dear PennDOT,

How about a little less worrying about the state budget, and a lot more about the safety of motorists.

PLOW THE ROADS.

PennDOT proud!